Receiving Feedback: Foundations

Domain: Self Awareness - Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

Imagine being asked to provide your manager with honest feedback, only for them to become defensive or even dismissive about what you have to say…

You probably don't have to imagine it, you've probably lived it.

If you are a manager yourself, hopefully you have not perpetuated this behavior on your own team.

Managers are human and they tend to make the same mistakes that most people do when they receive feedback. They take it personally or give too much weight to their own perspective.

The big problem with that is it's the quickest way to ensure your team doesn't provide you with feedback in the future.

It only takes one or two instances of shutting down constructive feedback for your team to learn never to do it again. Once your team decides they can't be transparent with you, it's all downhill from there.

So let's talk about something that almost no managers get trained on. How to receive feedback in an effective way. We'll cover the basic philosophy this week and dive into additional tactics next week…

All types

Being open to feedback is critical regardless of whether you asked for it or if it's unsolicited.

Either way, your employee is demonstrating a tremendous amount of trust by actually providing you the feedback. Many others will simply say they don't have any to offer, even when they do, simply to avoid the potential risk of being out on a limb.

So the first step is consistency. Regardless of whether you sought the feedback, try following the remaining steps as consistently as possible in order to send a message to your team that you are one of those rare managers who is secure enough to graciously receive feedback.

Content over delivery

The feedback in question may be on topics that stir-up frustration or even anger in the other person. As a result, they may not be communicating in the most professional or constructive tone.

Never punish honest feedback simply because it is delivered in a sloppy manner.

Show some grace to the person providing the feedback and focus on the content of what they are saying as opposed to the delivery. Their willingness to be open with you is usually far more important than the manner in which they communicate it.

If you can't handle valuable information in a harsh package, you probably weren't very interested in it in the first place.

Anticipate

Receiving difficult feedback is hard no matter the circumstances. A lot of managers underestimate this when they ask for feedback.

Asking for feedback is one of those things managers just assume they should do. But they don't prepare for what that actually means or looks like.

Do yourself a favor and mentally prepare yourself. Before you ask for feedback, assume that you will hear some difficult truths. This will help to avoid feeling caught-off-guard and turning defensive. When you expect to hear a difficult message, and then get one, it's much less of a shock.

Listen to understand, not respond

Approach these conversations with only one purpose: to understand the other person's perspective. Don't justify your actions or hide behind whatever unique knowledge your position affords you.

This means not formulating a response in your head as they are providing the feedback. Focus only on listening. Our first tip next week (part 2) will help eliminate the need for formulating a response.

Thank you for reading. My hope is always that you've found something helpful and easy to implement. If you have feedback, suggestions or questions, please reply to this email.

If you are interested in exploring one-on-one coaching to transform your leadership, email me at [email protected] and we’ll coordinate a free, one-hour discovery session.

This week’s action items:

1. Work to consistently respond in an open and curious feedback regardless of whether the feedback was solicited.

2. Focus on the content of the person's message and not the delivery.

3. Before seeking feedback, take a moment to prepare to hear some difficult things about yourself.

4. Listen with only the intention to understand. Do not worry about formulating a response.