Permission to Give Feedback

Domain: Building Trust - Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

When you have feedback for one of your employees, how do you approach the conversation?

Most managers don't give near enough feedback and those who do often provide that feedback when it best suits them.

This is usually fine. Employees tend to believe they don't receive enough feedback to begin with so they're often just happy to be receiving any at all. But there's still a more effective way to do it…by asking for their permission.

Asking for permission is mostly intended for negative or constructive feedback. In these situations, it's somewhat common for the employee to at least have a sense that whatever you're providing feedback on might not have gone well. The strategy below gives them the opportunity to decide whether they're ready to discuss it.

Even if they are not aware of an opportunity with their performance, asking for permission gives them autonomy in the process which makes them more receptive to the content of your feedback.

Finally, asking for permissions means that you are not relying solely on the authority that your title affords you. This is better for your relationship long-term.

So that's the "why" behind asking for permission to give feedback. Here are my recommendations on how to do it…

Read the situation

While I believe that asking for permission is usually the best approach, that's not always true. There may be situations where immediate feedback is necessary. In those cases, asking for permission is not the right approach.

With that said, those scenarios should be few and far between so this shouldn’t be an excuse to never seek permission. Most feedback does not need to be delivered immediately.

Immediate feedback without permission should be reserved for high-risk scenarios with immediate and irreversible consequences.

When vs. whether

So how do you ask for permission?

A lot of advice will suggest that you ask for permission on whether they are willing to receive the feedback altogether. It may sound like "Can I give you feedback on that meeting?". It's not a bad approach, but I've seen mixed results. Some employees have suggested it comes across as patronizing based on the manager's authority. It can be seen as a rhetorical question.

I personally recommend asking for permission on the timing.

"Hey, I have some feedback on the meeting this morning. Is now a good time?"

This sends the message that you have feedback worth discussing but that the employee has autonomy on whether they're ready to receive it in that moment.

Prepare for “no”

This whole exercise is pointless if you are going to disregard your employee telling you they're not ready to discuss the feedback. If they tell you now is not the right time, you have to respect that and leave it alone for now.

In most instances, they will indicate that they're ready to hear it then and there.

If they're not ready. They will likely circle back with you in the next day or two. Think about a scenario where your boss indicates they have feedback for you. Most people will want to know what it is sooner rather than later.

And if they don't circle back to you? Then you have a few things to consider…

No to feedback, no follow-up

If they don't circle back, you need to decide if it's important enough to raise again. This may feel counterintuitive, since you already determined it was worth bringing-up in the first place.

It's important to remember that the purpose of feedback is to influence future behavior. If the incident was a minor anomaly, then you may decide to leave it alone and consider the lesson learned.

More commonly, if it was worth bringing-up once it is worth circling back on. In these situations, I recommend bringing it up again in your next weekly one-on-one.

Thank you for reading. My hope is always that you've found something helpful and easy to implement. If you have feedback, suggestions or questions, please reply to this email.

If you are interested in exploring one-on-one coaching to transform your leadership, email me at [email protected] and we’ll coordinate a free, one-hour discovery session.

This week’s action items:

1. Determine the wording you plan to use in order to ask for permission to deliver feedback.

2. Use that wording the next time an opportunity for constructive feedback comes-up.

3. If your employee tells you they are not ready, respect it.

4. Revisit the feedback in your next one-on-one, if necessary.