Asking for Help Builds Trust

Domain: Relationships - Estimated reading time: 3 minutes

When discussing the topic of trust, I'm often asked the straightforward question of "how do I get my team to trust me more?"

My common response, though it's not always met with enthusiasm, is that the leader needs to be the first to extend trust.

The reason is pretty simple. It requires a greater leap of faith for your employee to be the first to extend trust. While they have valuable insight on the work they do, providing unsolicited feedback is a greater risk to them than it is to you. They may also have been burnt for doing so by other managers in the past. If you want to tap in to the full potential and value they can offer, you can reduce their risk by being the one that opens that door for them.

Asking your team to help solve business challenges is a great way to extend this trust. It starts with the de-risking behavior I just covered, but it simultaneously builds trust in other ways too.

The simple model I've highlighted below helps to strengthen the interpersonal connection. It invites the other person to be a part of your story and to support you in the same, which can lead to a deeper emotional bond than simply being the one who is assigned work…

Be specific

The first thing to remember when asking for help is to be specific. This removes ambiguity and makes it easier for them to engage with the request.

A lot of managers make the mistake of using their authority here. While your authority is enough to get them to do what you are asking, it will actually hurt trust in the process…not build it.

Instead, be specific with what exactly it is that you are asking from them. This is an opportunity to show some vulnerability by admitting you don't have an easy fix ready or have all the answers.

That leads us nicely into our next point…

Highlight their value

Not only are you going to be specific with what you are asking, you also want to highlight why you are asking that individual specifically. This approach recognizes the other person's unique abilities and the value they add to the organization.

Highlighting their value also shows humility because you are sending the signal that their knowledge and skills may be better positioned to solve this problem than your own. You can't be the master of everything and your team is there for a reason. Showing them that you are aware of that and are willing to learn from others is a powerful trust building message.

Thank them

Assuming they agree to your request, finish the conversation strong by thanking them for their willingness to help. Don't wait until the project is complete, though you should certainly thank them then too. For now, we are simply thanking them for agreeing to help in the moment.

Not thanking them at this point can send a message that their support was assumed all along. Even if they really did only agree to help based on your authority, we still don't want to take their contributions for granted.

Thanking them here reinforces that you appreciate their expertise and their willingness to apply it to this situation. When you send a clear message that their support is valued, they are likely to want to do a better job.

Of course, if they push back on the request…you'll need to figure out how to either address their concerns or honor the pushback. How to navigate those conversations depends a lot on the context of the pushback but I still don't recommend that you fall back on authority here. It would send the message that your ask was insincere all along.

Thank you for reading. My hope is always that you've found something helpful and easy to implement. If you have feedback, suggestions or questions, please reply to this email.

If you are interested in exploring one-on-one coaching to transform your leadership, email me at [email protected] and we’ll coordinate a free, one-hour discovery session.

This week’s action items:

Identify a challenge for which you could genuinely use some help.
Based on the skillset of your employees, identify who might be best suited for that specific challenge.
Approach the individual with the specific opportunity and why it's proved to be a challenge.
Reference why you believe they are well positioned to help solve it. Thank them for their willingness to help.